


God of Regret

by reigningqueenofwords



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 15:17:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17082758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigningqueenofwords/pseuds/reigningqueenofwords





	God of Regret

* * *

Rolling over, your hand automatically went to where you fiance slept. It took you a moment to wake up enough to open your eyes. “Babe?” You looked around, yawning. Sitting up, the apartment was oddly quiet. Something was wrong, you could tell. Every morning since you’d moved in together, you’d woken up next to him. And when he was awake, it was never quiet.

You pushed the blankets back and got out of bed, moving room to room in your apartment. Empty room after empty room. The last place you stopped was the kitchen, where you found a short note for you.

_I’m sorry, but I need to go._

_I love you with everything in me. Please, be happy._

_-Chuck_

Staring at it, you shook your head. No. This couldn’t be right. You were planning your wedding- which was in 6 weeks. Just like that, with no warning, and no reasons, he was gone. Your chest tightened, feeling like you were being crushed and couldn’t breath. Sliding to the floor, the note was still in your hand.

What the hell were you supposed to do? And how were you supposed to be happy with him gone? Finally, the emotions hit you like a train, the tears rolling down your cheeks. You let your head fall back, leaning against the counter. Pulling your knees up to your chest, you let yourself break. Who was there to care? Who would be bothered by seeing you this upset?

No one.

* * *

Life around you moved on, which meant that you were forced to go about your days. No matter how much you wanted to stay in bed, locked away from the world. Days turned into weeks, and suddenly, it was what was supposed to be your wedding day. Having to tell the people you’d invited that the groom had left you with no reasons, without talking to you, and without warning was hard. It was like reliving it over, and over.

You turned your phone off a couple days before, and had taken some personal time. Thankfully, your boss was understanding. You planned to stay home, cut off from the outside world, and binge watch sad movies.

The morning of that day, however, did not start off on a pleasant note. The second your eyes were open, you were bolting out of bed, and to the bathroom. Never had you been hit with the urge to throw up like that. As you sat back, not wanting to move to far if it hit again, you closed your eyes. Your gut told you what was going on, but you didn’t want to believe it. This couldn’t be happening.

Finally, you’d gotten up, showered, and gotten dressed. Despite your want to stay inside, you made your way to the nearest drug store and bought what you needed. And some chocolate.

* * *

Lying sideways on your bed, your hand was on your lower stomach, your eyes on your ceiling. What a cruel way to spend what would have been the happiest day of your life. Finding out you’re pregnant, and you had no idea where the father was. You’d be doing this completely alone. A tear rolled from your eye as you blinked, wondering what Chuck would have looked like when you told him. Or what he would have looked like holding your newborn. Things you’d never get to see.

Now, you would have to deal with the looks of pity, and the sadness that would pass over the faces of your friends and family. Poor Y/N, dumped, and now on the path to being a single mother.

* * *

You waited as long as you could to tell people. Of course you knew that was probably not the best idea, but it was a hard thing to come to terms with yourself. Let alone with people asking a million and one questions.

Finally, at 16 weeks, you had no choice. Until then, you’d simply looked like you’d gained a little bit of weight. People understood that happening- you were going through a rough time. However, around 16 weeks, it slowly started rounding out.

There was the calls to your family- your parents, your brother, and your sister, there were your best friends, and a few other people that you felt should know. Your parents were excited for a grandchild, but slightly upset that you had waited so long to tell them. Your mother was far more understanding than your father was over the matter. Just for the fact that she had been pregnant, he had not. She knew how emotional it could make a woman.

You were a big ball of emotions at 21 weeks when you would find out what you were having. All those thoughts about Chuck came rushing back, hitting you so hard. The night before you cried yourself to sleep, wishing you were sharing this with him- as a married couple. The movements you felt from the life growing inside you were comforting, however. You’d smile, your hand on your stomach, wondering who they would look more like.

As soon as you walked out from your appointment, you sent a mass text to everyone that you wanted to keep informed.

_It’s a boy!_

Reading that over again, you smiled softly to yourself and slipped your phone in your purse as you walked to your car. For the first time since the morning you found yourself a ditched bride-to-be, you felt hope. You had a son to look after, and he couldn’t have a mother who was always stressed and crying over a man who left her. 

* * *

Life moved forward, and you started really preparing for his arrival. Your parents planned to play out the week after he was due, hoping that meant they’d be there right after he was there, or right before. It sounded logical to you, at least.

Around 28 weeks, something felt off. You couldn’t place your finger on it, however. When you asked friends and family who had children, they all told you it was a normal pregnancy thing- which didn’t sit right with you. Your gut was telling you this was not normal. So, you mentioned it to your doctor. She told you that it was likely nerves, as you moved closer to your due date.

* * *

Chuck hated himself the second he left that note. Hell, the second he planned it. He wanted nothing more than to see you walk down that aisle, but it wasn’t in the cards for him. There were bigger things than his love for you at the moment.

His guilt ate at him, day by day. He’d shut your thoughts out on the second day, lest they drive him mad. He knew that you’d come crashing down even further around the day that you were supposed to become Mrs. Shurley. That was something he couldn’t hear.

However, the longer he went, the more something in the back of his mind told him he was wrong. His will to stay away was chipped at constantly. A song would play that you loved. A scent would remind him of a memory with you. Little things that meant nothing in the grand scheme of things were suddenly monumental.

His resolve came crumbling down six and a half months after he’d walked out the front door of your shared apartment. Snapping himself away mid-conversation with the Winchesters, he was standing at a door he’d been in and out of more times than he cared to fathom. Knocking, he swallowed, knowing you probably hated him, and had every right.

Chuck knew that you’d likely be home. Saturday afternoons had always been the same, he couldn’t see you changing that. When no answer came, he knocked again- nothing. Furrowing his brow, he searched for you all over the city. There was not one trace of life from you, so he pushed his search.

Not finding you was actually the most terrifying thing he’d encountered. Snapping into what had been your apartment, wondering if there were clues, he felt like he’d had the world yanked right out from underneath him.

His blue eyes watered as he slowly moved towards you, dropping to his knees. It was obvious, you’d died about a day ago. Your body was cold, one hand near your cell, and the other resting on your stomach. As if scared to do so, his hand reached out, covering the hand that was on your rounded stomach.

Never had Chuck sobbed like that. His head hung down as his shoulders shook. This was all on him. Taking a deep breath, he worked on calming himself. This wasn’t the end. Even if you hated him, and told him to get lost, this wasn’t the end. You, and the unborn child inside you, were not staying dead.

* * *

Your entire body felt stiff as you tried to move. Blinking, you were beyond confused. “What….?” You looked around. The last thing that you remembered was agonizing pain, grabbing your phone, and collapsing. How you managed to get into your room was beyond you. When your bedroom door opened, your eyes went wide. “Chuck?” Tears filled your eyes as you shook your head.

“Please, hate me if you want, but eat something? Let me explain?” His eyes pleaded with you.

Sitting up, you sighed. “I wish I could hate you.” You told him. “You are an asshole.”

He nodded. “I deserve that.” He agreed, moving towards you with a tray of food.

“Why?” You asked softly, looking up at him as he placed the tray. “What did I do wrong?”

Seeing a tear roll down your cheek, he wiped it with his thumb. “I’m not exactly who I say I am.” He saw the fear take over, worry that he was someone dangerous. “I’m God.” He gave you a sad smile.

You slowly nodded. “Okay. I died, and wherever I am is fucked.”

“I’m telling you the truth. I came here, something pulling me back. I found you dead, on the floor.” He explained. “I’m guessing that pull I felt was our son, trying to save you.”

Your hand went to your stomach, feeling him kick. Looking down, you licked your lips. “How can you prove all this?” It wasn’t a common thing to be told.

Chuck snapped his fingers, and the two of you were in the field where he asked you to marry him. “I had to leave because the world needed me.” You felt his fingers brush yours. “Guilt ate at me every day. Until I broke. Little things that reminded me of you added up, one after another. Each one more profound than the last. All I wanted was you.” His voice was soft. “I can take you home, and walk away from us, just let me be there for him. He’s my son.”

Your tear filled eyes looked over at him. “Take me home.” You whispered. “We can talk there.” That was all you could give him at the moment.


End file.
